Forever and For Always
by iluvromnce
Summary: ONESHOT Lily tells the story of how she lost her love, James, by way of suicide note. CHARACTER DEATH.


DISCLAIMER: this is based loosely off the dungeon scene in the book _Outlander_, by Diana Gabaldon. That's a very good book, I totally recommend it.

She sat, alone in the darkness of her home, thinking of how she had come to this point.

How she had been driven to finally commit a sin.

The biggest sin of all.

I must explain, she thought. I need to tell everyone why.

And so she began writing.

"He had found us.

Peter betrayed us to the Dark Lord, and now we were prisoners.

James and I had sat in a dirty cell in an old castle, waiting our fate.

We sat close, finding solace only in each other.

Then I was dreaming. Dreaming of my wedding day. Dreaming of Harry's birth. Then of Harry's first birthday.

And then, the last happy time I could remember; my first wedding Anniversary.

James and I were so happy, until the world seemed to be getting darker day by day.

Voldemort began gaining strength, power, and followers.

And I knew that he would want us. James and I.

We, too, were powerful.

More powerful than him, I should say, although James and I never shared this thought with anyone.

And so we went into hiding.

The Charm worked.

He never found us.

That is, until Peter chose to throw his life into the dark abyss and reveal to the Dark lord where we were.

And then he came.

We were not prepared.

We were eating dinner, as usual on a quiet Monday night.

When there was a light tapping on the door, James and I both knew what it was.

I do not pretend to be blessed with the Sight at all, and neither does James. But somehow we knew.

And James, my brave James, got up, and said to me "Take Harry. Leave."

I knew when not to argue with James, and this was one of the times. I ran up the stairs, but stayed at the top, not bearing to truly leave James.

James turned and faced the door.

Then, with a great clash, the door was blown apart.

I felt the hairs on my arm rise, and a great wind began to blow.

I saw James' hair stirring, and felt the cold on my skin.

I shivered and looked down at Harry.

He was sleeping, peaceful in my arms.

Then I saw him.

Voldemort was in the doorway, advancing towards James.

'You know what it is I want.' He drawled.

'I do know.' James said, 'but damned if I'll give in.'

Voldemort narrowed his eyes, and less than a second, a beam of light shot from him.

James darted away from it, and responded with a flash of his own.

They were dueling, and it seemed to be an even fight, until Harry woke up.

Watching the duel, I didn't notice Harry had awoken, until he let out an ear splitting scream, seeing his father in such a disheveled state.

The battle stopped.

Voldemort slowing looked up at me, were I was frozen with shock, staring back.

A second later, I was on my back, tied up.

'Oh god, no. Please no…' was the only thought going through my mind.

I couldn't see downstairs anymore, but could hear the voices.

'Now…have I altered your choice?' I heard the cold voice of Voldemort ask.

'What do you want from me? What more can you take?' screamed the frustrated voice of James, 'You've taken my mother, father, sister and brother. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grandfather and grandmother. You've taken friends, teachers, colleagues and neighbors. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?'

'Why James! So much anger, when the answer to that question is so simple! I want you! You and your wife.'

'No. Never. I would never in a million years serve the man who killed my parents before my eyes.'

'Really? Well then, we are at an impasse. So, I'll give you a choice, being the generous being that I am. You and your wife…or your baby.'

At this, I gasped, and heard the intake of breath from James, too.

'NO! Not Harry! Please no!" I tried to scream, but the gag in my mouth prevented me.

I heard the defeated voice of James; 'I would never let Harry fall into hands such as yours. We will go with you.'

'I thought you would see my way.' That filthy bastard had said, with a smug voice.

I felt the ropes fall from my back, and the gag disappear. The first thing I did was begin crying. But these were not just tears of sorrow. They were tears of desperation. And of regret and heartbreak.

I felt someone pull me up roughly.

I looked into the eyes of the man, if he could be called that, who made my life living hell.

Who made it so that Harry would not live a normal life.

'You will be caught.' I said to him, 'One day. Someone will find you. And when they do, you will be given the same mercy that you gave us; none.'

'I expect that will happen.' He said with a grin, 'but not anytime soon!'

He pushed James and I forward, and out the door. With a flick of his wand we disappeared, and then suddenly appeared at an old castle.

He ushered inside, and then into a dirty dungeon.

We were locked inside for days, with none but each other there.

Even with James near me, I was getting lonely.

It was an odd feeling, one I had never experienced.

I didn't want to see that bastard, Voldemort, but I hungered so much for another human presence, that I almost looked forward to whenever it was that he would come.

I wished that I could confide this to James, but I knew I could not.

One look at his face told me more than enough.

I had seen the look before, on patients faces at St. Mungo's. I had been a Healer there, before I went into hiding. And I had been forced to tell people that they had only twenty-four hours to live.

I had seen that look.

It was an equal mixture of agony, disbelief, and regret.

Their faces became like a movie screen, showing their emotions. It was as though I could see every memory from their past, as it ran through their mind.

That was how James' face looked.

And then, as I was contemplating this, I heard the squeak of the hinges on our cell door opening.

It was Voldemort.

He looked down at us, with a sort of patronizing look.

'Well, the time has come.' He said.

I knew what he was referring to, and so did James.

It was the day he meant to kill us.

'No.' I heard James say beside me, 'I don't think so.'

'And why would it not be?!' Voldemort spat.

'You will not take Lily. I won't let you kill my wife.'

'I decide who dies and who lives, not you!'

'I could kill you. Even now. Even without my wand. I could kill you. There are none of your faithless minions out there. You would be dead before they would even think of looking for you.'

I saw Voldemort's eyes narrow, and the expressions on his face changing rapidly. I then saw in his eyes a tinge of doubt. He knew James was right. He must know that James was more powerful then he, and the better dueler, and with James reaching about 6' 4", James would certainly tower over Voldemort in hand to hand combat.

'See. You know it too. Don't pretend to be ignorant.'

'If this is true, than we again are at another impasse.'

'I have a deal for you.'

'What is it?' Voldemort asked, with a wary eye.

'Let my wife go. You can have me. Kill me, torture me, whatever. Just let Lily go.'

Voldemort considered this for a moment. I didn't think he would actually accept this, and because of that, I had kept my mouth shut through the whole ordeal.

But then, the suddenly looked at James. 'I accept.'

I was dumbfounded. James…James would die. For me.

'N…No…you can't' I let out a strangled cry, not daring to believe this was actually happening. 'You can't kill James, I won't let you!'

I had expected to hear Voldemort retort to this, but it was not him that spoke. It was James.

'Yes, you will. My life is forfeit. For yours. Leave me and raise the son I gave you.'

My tears were falling freely now, as my heart was being torn in two.

'No, I can't!' I protested, 'I have nothing without you, you are my reason for living, my best friend, and my only love. I can't leave you…'

'But you must.' He said, looking into my eyes. He then gave me what I knew in my heart would be the last kiss I ever received in my entire lifetime.

My heart was broken, and I could scarcely believe I had any soul let in my body. James had taken over me, and to see him die was something I could not bear.

He pulled me to him, holding me close. After a moment, he let go and looked up at Voldemort.

'Promise me she will be free.'

'As much as I know it is worth to you, I promise.'

Hearing Voldemort say this surprised me. I knew as a merciless beast, but he seemed to be showing some small compassion.

He led me out of the cell, down long winding staircases, and into an empty room.

He then turned to me and said, 'You are lucky to have him.'

'What do you mean?' I asked angrily, 'I don't have him anymore. You are taking him away from me!'

'I never wished to be here. Like this, I mean. But fate brought me here, and it has gone on too far to be taken back. I'm sorry. I truly am.'

'I don't believe you!' I screamed, and tore at him with my long nails. I battered him with my fists, and kicked him repeatedly. Surprisingly, he did nothing to stop me. Finally, I fell to the ground, crying what was left of my heart out.

'I deserved that…' he said quietly, and began to walk out of the room.

With a swish of his wand, I felt myself leaving that place, and whether it actually happened or not, I don't know, but I thought I heard James' voice in my head before I landing back in my home. 'I love you.' it had said, 'Forever and for always, I'll love you.'

I sat on my hearthrug weeping.

There was nothing else I could do, with my only love's death imminent.

I slowly pulled myself up from the ground and unsteadily walked to the kitchen. I looked around for the ingredients I needed for the last potion I would ever make.

It was easy enough to make, and the ingredients simple ones, but the effect they had together was fatal.

No one knew it but me, as I had created it, purely by accident a few months before.

'Devil's Kiss' I had called it, for it gave off an enticing smell, and was a light pink in color. But it also brought death to all who drank it.

As I prepared it, I began thinking of all the things that had happened in my short life; When James and I first met, when James convinced me to go on a date with him, our first kiss, when he proposed to me, when I told him I was pregnant, Harry's birth, and finally, our wedding anniversary.

So many happy times, and yet, each one had a horrible thought to go along with it; Our first fight, his first 1,000 attempts to date me when I so rudely refused him, when I slapped him after he tried to kiss me, when we broke up for awhile, when I caught him cheating on me, and worst of all, when I thought we were done for good.

My life was a roller coaster of ups and downs, but this was the lowest it had ever been.

'And the lowest it will ever go.' I thought.

The potion was done.

I put it into a glass and sat down at my kitchen table with a few pieces of paper.

And then I began writing this.

I must be blunt, as I have been while telling this story to whomever may read this after I am gone.

I will take my life now.

I am going to leave this world, and travel to the place where I will be reunited with my husband.

I know it is the greatest sin to commit suicide, and people will talk about me, I'm sure.

'Wasn't there something she could have done?' they will say. Or maybe, 'Why didn't she try counseling and therapy first?'

I will tell you why.

Because my marriage, my love, reaches far beyond any kind on this earth.

Most people may think they are in love, and they very well might be, but they do not know this kind of love that James and I share.

I think perhaps only four other individuals in history have had it.

You know their stories; Pyramus and Thisbe, and Romeo and Juliet.

Fictional as they may be, I know their feelings.

I know their lives, for I have lived it too.

And now I will end that life.

I am now bringing the final chapter of the story of Lily and James Potter to an end.

And Harry, I am truly sorry.

So sorry, because I know how it feels to grow up without either of your parents to guide you.

If you can find it in your heart, forgive me.

Please…"

As Lily finished writing, she looked over her story.

When she was satisfied, she reached for the glass and closed her eyes.

She tipped her head back and downed it in one gulp.

It was working, she felt it in her body. She could not longer control herself as she fell from her chair.

She landed on the ground, and as her soul rose up and left her, she thought she heard voices singing in her head.

Angels, perhaps, welcoming her into heaven.

Welcoming her to the place were James would be, where they could dwell in peace forever.

And the last words Lily ever spoke escaped her lips as her brain finally gave up the fight.

"I love you. Forever and for always, I'll love you."

A/N – Just a little note, I purposefully wrote this in a rather fragmented, stream of conscious, style of writing. I was trying to capture the mental anguish that would be going on in her mind at this time. I'd like to think that I got it, but if it just sounds whack to you, sorry!


End file.
